i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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