you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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