I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
