Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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