I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
