I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
