I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
