Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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