i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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