you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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