Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
