I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
