Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
