She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
