how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
