worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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