i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
