yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize