my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if only i could text you this smell
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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