I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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