my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
