I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We left the knife in your bed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
