I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
