i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
