i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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