and you said cock pushups were impossible
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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