I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She bit a glass in half.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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