I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
