Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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