For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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