Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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