nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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