I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
