i used baking grease as lip gloss
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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