I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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