Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
