I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
