everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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