There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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