two words: eviction party
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
