Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
