we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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