After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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