Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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