Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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