im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
