He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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