Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
