Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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