And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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