i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
