Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
