Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
