Screwed.edu
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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