why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
