She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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