She's JV to your varsity
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
