sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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