I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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