we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
