I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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