I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize