What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
