just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
