Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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