oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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