you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
