I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
