Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
