Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
