the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
