he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
did you just send me my own nude
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
