Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
