In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
