he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
