So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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