Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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