The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
