47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
