I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
